Bunny Boiler

Long before Wife Unit and I met, I used to date around... A lot.

I was a fairly indiscriminate, serial dater. I'd take out a different girl just about every night. I mean sure, I had my standards (teeth), but it didn't matter to me if I met someone at the bank, at the mall, the MiniFoods store, or at a bar. If I met somebody and I was attracted to her, even in the slightest, I'd ask her out.

One Saturday, I went to visit my sister at work. At the time she was an X-Ray tech at the neighborhood "doc in a box" emergency room.

When I walked in there was a new face at the reception counter.

"New face", that's putting it lightly. Actually, this girl was MMMHOT! She was tall, had dark hair, blue eyes, fantastic figure, great smile. She was drop-dead, breathtakingly gorgeous. It's a wonder I didn't dry hump the front desk.

I introduced myself and within five minutes I had her phone number, and plans with her later that night.

Yeah, I was on my game.

That evening I picked her up and we went out for dinner. As we talked over drinks and the meal, I found out that she had just moved to town. Me, being the smooth operator I was, asked if I could have the honor of showing her around (go ahead and roll your eyes). Of course she agreed and we set off on the rest of the date.

We were hitting it off pretty good. I was making her laugh, she was sending out *THE* signals. We both had the appropriate amount "touchy feely" action going on. All the signs pointed to the fact that there was new romance in the air.

Cool.

It started getting late, and our conversation had found that momentary "too quiet" lull to it when she reached over, kissed me and told me it was time to go home. We went back to my car and I drove to her apartment, quietly talking all the way.

We pulled into her parking lot; as soon as I turned off the ignition she gave me "one of those looks" then asked if I want to come inside.

Yeah, I was pretty excited at this point.

We go in.

We make small talk as she pours me a glass of wine.

I take the glass of wine and walk over to her couch and sit down. She turns and goes into another room, once there she turns on a light and I see it's her bedroom.

I'm gulping the wine, practically snorting it, but outwardly I'm sure I seem calm and in control.

"You wanna come in here?" she says in a playful tone.

I cup my hand over my mouth and nose to check my breath, stand up, stretch my shoulders and roll my neck around to loosen myself up. Then I casually, slowly and confidently, strut to her bedroom.

I don't run in though. I get to the door, then in the sexiest way I can manage, I kind of slink around the door frame.

I was expecting to see a beautiful, half-naked, pouty lipped, heavy breathing, Cosmo Girl splayed out like a centerfold, softly whispering my name.

What I got was a beautiful, headcase introducing me to all of her stuffed animals.

"I want you to meet my fami-wee. They liiiike you. Dis is Happy. Dis is Amy. Dis is Tommie, he's my most favoritest..." I met every single one of her damn furry beasts, and there must've been thirty.

All of them lined up just so.

Needless to say, we didn't have anything remotely related to sex. Not sure if I could've anyway, what with "everybody" watching and that yant-yant-yant Psycho knife music in the background.

I managed to get the hell out of there as soon as I shook the last teddy bear's hand. Kind of scared, but relaxed in the fact that she didn't know where I lived.